I'm Sorry

My best friend got married today.

Technically, she got married about a week ago, but today in my head and heart I accepted it.

My best friend got married today.

I wasn't there.....

I figured it'd be a day of rejoicing, but I wasn't there. One of the most important days of her life and I missed it.

Of course I couldn't afford to make it back to Thailand for the wedding, but it doesn't change facts.

I love being and MK, but not today. Not tonight. My heart aches in a way that makes my chest feel like its going to explode and I cant breathe over the choking sobs that come from a throat raw from crying.

My best friend got married today.

What do you say to that? What are you supposed to feel? How do you react?

I wasn't there.

My memories are against me tonight. Laughter, joy, tears, secrets, hours of late night phone talks, heartaches, trust, challenges, simple delights, city lights, song tows, movies, boys, drama, soul sisters, love.

.

My best friend got married today.

Where was I? When the dating began, the thoughts towards a deeper relationship, during the good and the bad of that relationship, the moments before he proposes, the moment after he proposes, the wedding preparations, the dress......, the day of, watching her walking down the isle, the kiss and then goodbye......where was I?

I wasn't there.

Dear God........what do you say to that? How do you react? What are you supposed to feel?

My puffy eyes protest, but still the tears gush out in torrents. I gasp for breath as the sobs engulf me. I am a failure.

My best friend got married today. Where was I?

Somewhere in a small town named Bedford ignoring the fact that she was saying her vows. In a town not being her best friend.

My best friend got married today and I wasn't there.

I'm sorry.......

-Rambler